Untitled 01 7/29/22

my mind changes a lot i’m not concrete on a lot of things cause i flow with the motion 

i want to grow to become not so easily swayed by the gusts i might change my mind about this who knows

i’m shyer than ppl think but i don’t always see it as a bad thing i just don’t like expectations and it’s self protection but this shyness will become a hinderance 

you can change any situation with enough will most of it is deciding not to care but it gets lonely when ppl realize you aren’t kissing their ass anymore people wanna be pleased but i wasn’t put on this earth to please, though i’ve tried profusely, i’m meant to be subversive and divisive i don’t try to be it’s just who i am 

sometimes i wish i was normal and boring(non derivative) like i wish i was good at something real like accounting, being an assistant, or a landlord, a real and boring career path i feel completely furfulled in 

i envy people good at being normal on my worst days

i realize i’m a little close minded i need people who think differently 

i try to suppress myself cause sometimes i get scared of interpretations being false of my character that’s shyness maybe i just need to care less more but ion wanna get too crazy but then again who says being crazy is bad 

i believe in reciprocation and respect and most people don’t give much on that and tbh i don’t put in too much effort unless i feel it will be reciprocal that’s why i keep such few people around i’m not satisfied with most people you get bored and tired after a while you push but nothing budges i always match energy

i’m not where i want to be it’s a journey when i spoke of sincerity part of me felt like a hypocrite because i’m shy and i don’t share things i truely want to cause of it. i think this whole passage is about setting boundaries, my shyness for the things i love, and mentality i wanna be better for me and the kids sometimes i just feel justly selfish 

i need to write these more precisely i come from a family of preachers