Ought to Behave 11/2/24

I am 20 now.

as a child, I thought you could feel adulthood.

like you become an adult and you feel complete.

Complete to behave in the way you picture yourself to be or,

picture yourself in the way you ought to be.

By my own definition I am doing well, better than most.

I can see my potential just over this hill and the only way to get there is discipline.

I ought to behave or else I will die.

To motivate myself I think of things in terms of survival. 

‘If I don’t do this,I will die’

‘You can do this, you won’t die’

But often that doesn’t do much because I get stuck on thinking about my own mortality and I chose pleasure over good choices.

Since I’m going to die, why not enjoy life?

I cant enjoy life if I’m unsuccessful.

What is success?

No stress.

But it’s inevitable.

I can bare it.

Look how you’re handling it now.

I don’t want to think about it anymore.