for most of my life i wasn’t aware of myself until it affected me.
like a child discovering their reflection and the reality that, They are inside There.
before the awareness of myself,
i had no complex knowledge of the functioning body outside of my demands of it.
i am: and do
now i know that i am not myself.
yes i control myself, but myself and i are not one thing.
yes myself and i communicate without issue, the issue is that myself and i did not choose each other.
there’s no problem with that and myself is content with i.
however, i has affected myself more than myself has affected i.
this has been the issue for all of my aware life,
‘how can i use myself to get what i wants?’
i wants control and myself is too comfortable.
this is where the One begins to feel uncanny.
i is dragging myself.
i and myself no longer get along because i treats myself like it’s slave.
i is in control of myself and must rule at all costs.
i neglects myself because i will never be satisfied with myself’s work,
myself scolds i for not using the right controls.
myself and i are tired of fighting.
myself begs i for help,
i agrees, and myself feels no physical burdens.
i comforts myself, myself no longer feels pain.
i no longer feels anything but buzzing warmth,
like a drunken swaddled baby.
now myself is in control and i has no desire other than to keep myself pampered.
i would be disappointed that they’re not pushing with the same vigor they’re used to but,
myself has dulled i with constant pleasure.
myself and i grow soft with myself in control:
myself and i grow tense with i in control
myself and i strike.
i never rests
myself can’t move
i has to learn to love myself and not the other way around because myself can’t help but love i.
why else would myself want i to live in peace, pleasure, and contentment forever?
i is detrimentally obsessed with myself.
i calls within and asks ‘isn’t this enough?
i think of myself every second, is that not love?’
myself hears and pains, ‘no. it’s the worst.’